Inception of Insanity
In an alternate 1910, the world’s powers didn’t care for territories or resources; they had bigger fish to fry. Or in this case, bigger bread to bake. It all started when France, proud of its culinary prowess, declared the baguette as the “Supreme Bread of the World.” Little did they know, this proclamation would knead the world into chaos.
Germany’s Pretzel Pretense
Not one to be outdone, Germany promptly elevated their beloved pretzel as the true “King of Carbs.” Kaiser Wilhelm himself was seen munching on an oversized pretzel during his morning briefings. His audacious challenge? “Let the breads duel!” What was intended as a metaphorical statement became the literal course of action.
The Bready Arena
The Louvre was cleared out, and in its vast chambers, a colossal oven was built. The world’s best bakers from France and Germany were chosen to represent their nation’s honor. Tickets to this “Dough Duel” sold like hotcakes, or should we say, hot bread?
Italy’s Sneaky Strategy
Italy, feeling left out and not one to stay out of European affairs, decided to covertly introduce the world to the merits of ciabatta. They launched a worldwide campaign: “Why fight when you can bite… into ciabatta?” Their plan was to capitalize on the chaos and come out as the ultimate bread victor.
The Brit’s Biscuit Blunder
The British, mistaking the contest for a literal ‘biscuit’ competition, arrived at the scene with trays of cookies. They were politely told that biscuits were not, in fact, bread. The British delegate, red-faced, argued that anything you could dunk in tea was superior. This resulted in a side competition of “Best Dunking Delight.”
The Yeasty Showdown
On the day of the great showdown, as the world watched with bated breath, the bakers set to work. France’s baker, Pierre, sculpted a baguette so perfect, it gleamed under the Louvre’s glass pyramid. Meanwhile, Hans from Germany twisted his dough, crafting a pretzel that looked fit for a king.
But as the ovens beeped, signaling the end of baking time, a massive loaf of ciabatta descended from the ceiling, launched by Italy’s secret oven-chopper. It cast a huge shadow, much to the audience’s awe and amusement.
The Unexpected Resolution
Amid the laughter, a tiny baker from Switzerland walked in with a basket of various bread. “Why argue over one type of bread when we can enjoy them all?” she proposed.
As the crowd mulled over this, they realized the variety was, in fact, the spice of life. The war was thus resolved, not by choosing a superior bread, but by organizing the world’s first Bread Festival, celebrating all types of bread.
Epilogue: The Feast of Unity
Every year since the Great Baguette War, nations gathered to share and relish each other’s bread. The world realized there were more pressing matters to attend to than debating the superiority of bread—like arguing over which cheese pairs best with which loaf.
And so, in this alternate universe, bread didn’t lead to division but unity, teaching everyone the lesson that sometimes, the yeast of matters can create the most dough-lightful outcomes.